Everyone feels sad and empty sometimes… it is okay!

4 Sep

As I wolf down the last bite of my Wendy’s single cheeseburger and take another sip of ice cold Cheerwine, I am reminded of my pledge last week to watch my saturated fat intake.  That meant no more fast food, which only 5 hours ago I specifically vowed to my colleague that I would only allow myself healthy options from this point forward.  How did I manage to break that vow so quickly you say?

To be honest I’m not quite sure.  Everything was perfectly fine at 6 pm… I was ending my day and thinking of the relaxing weekend that would soon surround me.  The comforts of home, my back porch swing with it’s fluffy lounge cushion and 3 color coordinated pillows, my favorite episodes of Hung and Entourage awaiting my viewing pleasure, and of course a barrage of ideas on which I would surely blog at least once or maybe twice.  So what happened?

It could have possibly been a combination of my colleagues goodbyes, all leaving to eagerly join their significant others for a 3 day weekend of reminiscing summer and all of the magnificent southern pleasures that accompany the season.  And Hallmark.  Yes, I said Hallmark.  The place one frequents for the most eloquent expression of sympathy, celebration and that dreaded word… LOVE. cards

At roughly 6:30 pm I found myself at the local Hallmark store, hoping to find the perfect card to let my colleague and friend know how much she meant to me on her upcoming birthday.  As I twisted and turned through isle after isle of spooky Halloween cats, witches and candy corn goodies, my mind drifted to Halloweens of the past: decorating, hosting neighborhood parties and stringing orange lights across my porch in the shape of an oversized spider web.  The smell of Thanksgiving echoed throughout the store; it was as if a freshly baked pumpkin pie was cooling on grandma’s kitchen counter.  At that point I couldn’t help but smile, wondering if I should obtain some new nick nacks as mom would call them to make my on-the-market home seem more cozy.

After making my way to the birthday card section entitled “for her”, I began to peruse the cards entitled “birthday” and “love”.  They were all perfect: describing a love that was divine and everlasting.  I found myself smiling, thinking of my life and how I longed for that perfect love.  Did others have what I did not?  Was it really obtainable?  I had failed miserably at it in the past; in other words, something good didn’t end so well.  I couldn’t stop reading the sentiment; each card I chose offered a new and unique way of telling someone how much you care.  On a side note, I’m not sure who creates the jingles for Hallmark, but I must imagine that either their life is purely delightful and their thoughts come from a happy place; or, they muster up the courage to express heartfelt emotion but are truly depressed and suicidal.  Either way from the bottom of our hearts us Hallmark fans we thank you.

Then I came to my favorite card of all.  I must tell you what it said, for it was so simple yet the concept was magical.  It went something like this:

Imagine two stick figures, one in a dress and one in pants (girl meets boy, right?).  The card read as if it was a cartoon, with a storyboard that would melt anyone’s heart almost immediately.  It said:


Boy meets girl”

“Girl wants to run like the wind.  (She’s had her share of heartache.)”

“But she stays.  (She discovers Boy’s had his share of heartache, too.)”

“So they both stay.”

“And they learn to trust…

And love.”

Once you open to the punch line as I like to call it, it simply states: And that’s a good thing.”

I’m not sure why but I bought this card.  I don’t really have anyone to give it to, but someday I might.  Someday.

I checked out with my selections, smiling as I received my 20% discount as a thank you for being a loyal Gold Crown Customer and shopping during my birthday month.  I fastened my seatbelt buckle, hearing the all too familiar click and immediately checking my iPhone as a part of my ritualistic addiction to technology (Apple that is).  As I turned for home, I suddenly felt a slightly less familiar feeling: emptiness.  Why you say?  Why when I have so much in life to be thankful for?  I’m not sure really.  But I bet each and every one of you experience similar feelings.  They may not be triggered by the same events and the emotional response might be slightly different, but they are nonetheless present.

You see, the thing is that I realize no one person has a perfect life.  We all sometimes wish things were different, or see someone else as having exactly what we deserve and wondering why we are not walking in their shoes.  But the truth is, we are all special in our own right.

I did panic tonight.  For a brief moment in time, I felt as if my life should be like a Hallmark card.  At the very least it should be like the husband and wife who walked through the store, dragging their tired and cranky son as he begged for each and every toy that was within his reach.  That should be me I thought.  Why not?  I have an open and honest heart, giving all of myself to those that I care for.

So how did I come to terms with my emotions?  In part due to my own rationality and partly due to my wonderful friend in California.  What I know to be true is simply this: life isn’t easy no matter what your situation: single or married, strong or weak, rich or poor, young or old.  Life is a roller coaster of emotions, many times offering an upside down, stomach dropping descent into a place that you are not prepared for.  However, just as quickly as you descend you right yourself again… either coming to a stop at the station or taking another plunge.

Understanding is half the battle, and being able to tell you this tonight, while sitting on my back porch swing with, you guessed it, 3 color coordinated pillows, keeps me smiling.

(I dedicate this blog to my friends and loved ones Shanny Panny, Naz, Nate Dog and DBL)


One Response to “Everyone feels sad and empty sometimes… it is okay!”

  1. tinsters September 4, 2009 at 10:34 pm #

    thank you for making me realize that i’m not an alien at all 🙂

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